5 thoughts and 1 quote (first post, forgive the rustiness)

its been ages since i blogged. somewhere along the way came growing up, laziness, not wearing one’s (purported, and often imagined) heart on one’s sleeve, and the realization that one has more  to say than one necessarily has original things to say.

anyway, some quick thoughts on a dreary tuesday:

1) the whole day i have been listening to this song over and over again like a drugged person: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT8aUdSuCCE

stopped listening to blues for almost 2 years and then a few weeks ago was fortuitously invited to a blues + rock and roll concert by a friend with an extra ticket. Since then, I cant get the blues out of my head. i mean, if you watch the video, after the first few mins he is pretty much just fucking around.. maybe its nostalgia or the tendency to relive ones past in cycles every now and then or maybe the music is just damned good. perhaps in support of the former, ive started reading literature again, which is good for the soul i guess..

2) which brings me to point 2: the one big fear i  have right now:  the fear of being a unidimensional quasi-corporate whore. not even corporate, but quasi-corporate, since im technically a govt slave. The job is in truth quite satisfying and interesting, and (dare i say) purposeful, but there is something deeply terrifying about being defined singly and utterly by your job. it bespeaks of a certain loss of individuality? these days im concerned about finding that secret life outside of work, whether inner life or otherwise.

3) dream of faraway places: today i met someone who works for a norwegian company that operates antenna farms in the arctic to receive signals from polar orbiting satellites. He showed me these wondrous pictures of their facilities; lone buildings in the middle of a vast wilderness of snow capped ridges and hills, white all around, and sunlight for half the year straight. The whole time we were at the meeting (ostensibly to discuss opportunities for ‘collaboration’), all i could think about was: how awesome would it be to live and work there?

4) …maybe what that is telling me is that i need a holiday… heh

5) I should really try to sleep earlier and convert myself into a morning person for the good of my soul

to end off, a quote from a (rather heretical) book im trying to conquer…

“so now we know why joseph cannot sleep, and when he does it is only to awaken in a state of agitation, confronted with a reality which does not allow him to forget his dream, so that even when awake he dreams that same dream which haunts his sleep night after night, and when asleep, even while trying desperately to avoid it, he knows he will encounter that dream time and time again, for it hovers on the threshold between sleep and wakefulness, and Joseph must confront it on entering and leaving. This confused state of affairs is best defined as remorse. Yet human experience and the practice of communication have shown throughout the ages that synthesis is merely an illusion, an invalidation of language, almost like having a speech defect, and not so much trying to say love without being able to get the word out, as having a tongue in one’s head yet not able to achieve love”

– jose saramago ‘the gospel according to jesus christ’